We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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