everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
