You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
