Umm I'm too high to move.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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