Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize