I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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