well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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