My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
