what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
