she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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