I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
