apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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