Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
