Fine. I'll sleep in my office
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
