bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
