I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do vagina's smell?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
