i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
