Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sext me about skeletons
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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