I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
