dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
