Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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