I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
