now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
