I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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