please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
