I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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