I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
