she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
