my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
