so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
