K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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