i will never coherently bang her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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