I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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