I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
