Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
