PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
