Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
