I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
from now on my penis is your penis
Duck Duck Cougar?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize