Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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