At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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