Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
