They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
