dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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