Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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