have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
