Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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