jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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