Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
