question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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