I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.