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• (480): View more from Arizona

  ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there

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• (772): View more from Florida

  You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  ...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.

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