Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
