Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
