three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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