I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's just like the Real World with babies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
