Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
