be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
