Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
