Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
