I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
