a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
