I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
