it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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