I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
