My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
