I looked at my own cervix.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
