if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
