Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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