i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
