I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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