so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
